lets print everything up to date.

.think Ill go back to oil pastel profiles. I notice most people I have drawn are those who mean something :} so next time if anyone comes over, demand to see your portrait. If there is one, it means at one point of time or another I adored the crap out sheslashhe.

No one so far has testicular fortitude now a days. ncluding myself I'd suppose, not literally for obvious reasons.

To holland village I fly in an hours or so. google maps shall direct me.

my dad's friend, jimmy, and his 3 year old daughter visited.

dad: how bout your one two threes?
lil girl: one two three four five six seven eight nine
dad: then?
lil girl: dont know
dad: wheres your ten?
lil girl: cannot find.

freaking much adorable, she oozes adorable it was overpowering, scampering around giggling and smiling.

caught up with a few people i havent seen in ages. two fags and a spca-ean, front wise, still sweet mad people.

the night before daddies birtday* behind lock doors in the comfort of my room ard 11pm. sitting there quietly writing on a card. sudden blackout. i think if anyone saw my eyes theyd be big as golf balls. panick and screams really madly. gets up scrambles, bang shin into bed end, ignore pain, still screaming, scrambles again to the door. insanely finding the bloody doorknob. hears daddie say "just come out lah!". gets out feels pain of shin. what can i say im scared of the dark, especially when it sneak attacks you out of blinking no where.

such amusement

forgive me for any spelling mistakes. but im posting by phone. i have this sick disgusting feeling thinking that my caveman's friends think im an absolute bitch slash whore, for how i dissapeared. i know thats a stretch. eventhough he says that he never implies negative things, doesnt mean that they think otherwise.

for example, if audrey rick saw me horrifiedly mangled over an issue. She would obviously have horrid muderous thoughts towards that anyone who ever it may be that caused it. even if i said otherwise.

likewise for his platoon mates. even though caveman jusitifies with me that does not say any bad but rather good. do you really think best mates will entirely change whats in their mind. obviously not, they'd most probably hold on to those delicious muderous thoughts.

side note: dont you love best mates and their muderous plots and thoughts.
eg: kessler and your horrifying laughable cauliflower damnations

i dont know why its making me sick beyond sick. yes i wanna puke and cry and rant. but everyones away. yes still pathetic with different reasons. D word isnt happening now so far but who knows years down the road. i just feel sick.

160 on our dinner. oasis, mojito, appletini and my yummy pint erdinger later. Loudly giggly, cause i was amused with nice giddyness of it all, heading to the taxi stand. Such fun :}


sorry i cant come friday. i have to go out today and saturday. <3
I have yet to buy presents. tsk

I’ve realized there are worse things than having a boy trample on your heart( i know melodramatic much, forgive me, it is the first time it was the other way round, thats what i've decided for a justifiable reason for my extream reactions) or not the possibility of not being able to go Taiwan for two weeks; worse than fighting with a best friend, being knocked down by car, being lost in Malaysia or insanely abrupt crying over the pass weeks. Everything seems insignificant to what’s happening now.

I haven’t decided if it’s good or bad. At sporadic moments this current issue amplifies my frustration, of not being able to be normal and run crying to you know who. Yes it’s like one of those default reactions which i still am trying to ditch, unsuccessfully, which drives me to more delirium.whihc then ill call kess rick or azizah to rant and bawl like an idiot.

Because the current issue is worse than anyone thinks, and I don’t want to tell just anyone at the moment. But it also overpowers the rest of the smudge of bleahness of the past weeks.

So yes.

I’m more pathetically dazed than ever now because of the possibility of the D word about to be carried out.

taiwan may not work out :[ i dont know if i can take 2 weeks leave and it will only be confirmed next week. bites. TSSKK

Shopping, or anything that you can get a fix from(boy toys or being obsessive in something that make you ecstatic), is just like candy when you take when you have no energy. yes candy will give you pure sugar rush needed but you'd crash so badly after. shopping and grand dinners are my ecstacy that unfortunately only has temporary effects. Furthermore burns my wallet to no end.

still have presents to buy next week.
and somehow that sentence just drove me to mad insane dysphoria

jb was tempermental feelings. moving swiftly from screaming at each other in fustration and anger to laugher and stupidity, and constantly changing back and forth of these emotions. lost on the roads unclear signs. "500m ahead uturn" and there was'nt so we hit the highway to kl :\

printing photos so i can bring them where i go.

nom nom

:} taiwan should be on the 10th october.
1-2 weeks
i can stop fidgeting like an idiot
i hope nothing goes wrong

Was at the doctors just now. looking at a small kid in a yellow raincoat i cant help but remember when i used to do that. With wellys on my feet and clutching one of those multicolored umbrellas. me and mommie would walk barefoot under the heavy rain and just stand in the mini floods at 7-11 at yishun st 71.

medical leave and leaving for JB n a few hours :}

hectic is good for now

a mosquito bit my nose. as if my nose doesn't resemble a reddish onion already now there's an extra red bump. such fun

pick up the phone?

to manicure and to run i go
then to blissfull tiredness

always a interesting cussing adventure
which involves reckless spending on cabs

as if there's a frog in my throat and a hole in my chest where everything seems to be trying to squeeze out off. in a desperate failure of an attempt.

lets run away together and chop our fingers off just for the fun of it.

taiwan come sooner :[

love
stupid weekends syndrome

btw facebook is not friendly
when they show random things at the side
it does not help
bad facebook bad

Just home and fidgety

Friday morning

opens eyes. thinks: why is it so bright. its sunday right. still laid down for a few seconds. open eyes more wider. thinks: oh shit oh shit oh shit its friday. scrambles for the phone, 10am, dials boss, half asleep mumbles god knows what halfway breaks and groggy noises and boss says uuhhh arent you in the lab already? are you ok? why don't you just come in at 1.

back to sleep

Thursday night

vlee at zirca was good :} thank you kess. thus friday morning

just moments ago while writing

kessler your damn funny when you call me and your halfway gone happy giggly sounding and not making sense. and no i will not blog bout such nonsense <3. pixie lott save me or that country song for the the auditions tomorrow ok

r: dont worry ill wake you up at 8
k: but thats when mass starts
r: ok then ill wake you up at 7
k: no luuh. just wake me up at 8. but i don't know what time mass starts you can just check online. and look for mass times
r: ??

r: hun are you going to be ok. where are you
k: ouh im just sitting outside. here luh. i dont know where
r: *wide eyes*


all i can do is guess right now and make the best out of things.

30th to jb
oct to Taiwan :}
(daddie: saying to mommie* you have to foot the plane ticket for her. mommie: puzzled look since i'm ald working* for what. daddie: if not i foot you.)
nov to kl
feb to perth

My parents are just accommodating this two weeks, not question bout anything much and even when i disappear almost all the time.

you taped my mouth and pasted a speech bubble next to my mouth. then you filled in the words without my consent. I didnt have a say when you made the decision.

tq kess for the songs
you got me more bleah
i know you love me lesser then i do
TSK

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-nBU9VR2X5g
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6TnsPEMRcTw

Drinking old cheap bottles of wine
Saying things we haven't for a while, a while yeah
We're smiling but we're close to tears
Even after all these years
We just now got the feeling that we're meeting
For the first time

_________________________________________________________________

well im all dressed up
with a pretty blue dress
and red heels
but half hearted
thinking

when you have free time it allows you to think
which isnt good
the solution is to have no free time
to exhaust ones self
to come home everyday late
and be to tired to think that you fall blissfully to sleep

yes im in denial
but isnt everyone too

no more red eyes please
though that does makes sleep easier too

tiqs to vlee at qc i go
still half hearted

all my love
woof

you up above
you know i freaking miss you!