I can feel my gut traveling through my throat and beginning to unwillingly purge from me. No I do not want to feel this way neither do I ever plan for it. And really sometimes when you need to call people they are never contactable. And they seem to be un contactable at the same time. It’s amazing. So trying to hold in my gut so don’t look like I’m falling apart. I can’t just walk out of the house when I need to desperately. And on top of that my parents being able to read my fb wall is not going absolutely fabulous for me.
I have to ask is it so hard. Really I have to ask everyone is it so hard to reply. Is it really that hard really.
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Saturday, June 04, 2011
It’s amazing how much a person can be shallow or one dimensional. Myself included. I just scrolled down to 5 years ago and ugh so appalling. I was tempted to delete or at least change some things. I was unpacking the cupboard and came across old diaries. It was truly slap your thighs and say oh dear god what in the world did I ever do. But then again would anyone want to change memories.
I could imagine a relatively uncountable number of appendages raised in the air approving of this. I can imagine why too.
But then I’m convinced if I changed anything I would change everything. Including my few sweethearts that are always there when I’m happy or I truly need someone without having to say anything at all or seem sad, pathetic or basically show any emotion to raise a red flag.
I can imagine someone mocking me in a caring way, saying that “you don’t need to act pathetic” in a sarcastic way.
Sweethearts that stay on the phone to just hear you whimper pathetically for hours.
Sweethearts who are terribly harsh and put you in place in reality.
Sweethearts with magical powers.
Sweethearts that condemn people to death.
I woke up the other day going to work and a friend texted me cartoonlike sweet nonsense to make me feel better, that made me cry, not that I was reminded why I was feeling just a little upset bout someone else. But cry that the fact that I had an incredibly awesome friend that genuinely cared and got how I felt even without saying anything at all.
I am honestly happy with my little minivan of people in my life. Whom all I thoroughly adore madly till the ends of the earth.
Bald Alan cries when chow dies incurs madly insane bowel losing syndrome laughter
love
I could imagine a relatively uncountable number of appendages raised in the air approving of this. I can imagine why too.
But then I’m convinced if I changed anything I would change everything. Including my few sweethearts that are always there when I’m happy or I truly need someone without having to say anything at all or seem sad, pathetic or basically show any emotion to raise a red flag.
I can imagine someone mocking me in a caring way, saying that “you don’t need to act pathetic” in a sarcastic way.
Sweethearts that stay on the phone to just hear you whimper pathetically for hours.
Sweethearts who are terribly harsh and put you in place in reality.
Sweethearts with magical powers.
Sweethearts that condemn people to death.
I woke up the other day going to work and a friend texted me cartoonlike sweet nonsense to make me feel better, that made me cry, not that I was reminded why I was feeling just a little upset bout someone else. But cry that the fact that I had an incredibly awesome friend that genuinely cared and got how I felt even without saying anything at all.
I am honestly happy with my little minivan of people in my life. Whom all I thoroughly adore madly till the ends of the earth.
Bald Alan cries when chow dies incurs madly insane bowel losing syndrome laughter
love
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