Little slippers

2011-09-23T22:42:00.000+08:00

Yes many things have happened. From not so exciting déjà vu, to exciting bowel moving happy screams while rolling around and comfort kisses for someone I love to bits and getting even closer my few dear god sent people.

And I shall always run to this nonexistent little word regurgitation site. Which gives me slight comfort of sorts? For the very first instance that is.

Many little vile volatile liquid courage nights and calls to Australia once again. We have today, where after some very much time and needed sleep from liquid courage/work nights I finally got back to telling my sweet little stories of gruesome randomness. Bouncing around and doing little sudden movements at work. Yes bliss for me indeed to be swimmingly nonsensical.

Unfortunately it was too good to be true. I thought I’d be ok with going online or even switching on the com. Nope not one bit. Sinking and drowning in the merciless facebook updates and pictures that just happen to put themselves on the most obvious compartments of the hard drive. Incredibly lucky I say. Abit too dubious with the whole idea of even clicking any icons or links at the moment.

On a side note two things ring constantly in my mind for now.

One; A very sweet comment by a colleague, “you’re an incredibly nice girl what (as in “waaaat” in singlish terms then he said nicely and slightly more seriously), but I don’t know why you haven’t found anyone nice yet” awww right. Yes I melted with awwwness and just smiled. I really do have a nice bunch of workmates but work itself is insane.

Two; an exciting unsettling predicament adventure that my dear angel is caught in. where I’m ecstatically happy for her eventhough she isn’t. I am to the extent of smiling like a bloody buffoon everywhere for the past 24 hours.

I shall add one more; my boss looks at me like she wants to eat me. Yes I’m just a little terrified. Just a little.

2011-07-17T19:43:00.003+08:00

a little bit tired of repeating numerous times. thats all Im saying.

2011-06-26T15:29:00.001+08:00

I can feel my gut traveling through my throat and beginning to unwillingly purge from me. No I do not want to feel this way neither do I ever plan for it. And really sometimes when you need to call people they are never contactable. And they seem to be un contactable at the same time. It’s amazing. So trying to hold in my gut so don’t look like I’m falling apart. I can’t just walk out of the house when I need to desperately. And on top of that my parents being able to read my fb wall is not going absolutely fabulous for me.

I have to ask is it so hard. Really I have to ask everyone is it so hard to reply. Is it really that hard really.

2011-06-04T18:00:00.000+08:00

It’s amazing how much a person can be shallow or one dimensional. Myself included. I just scrolled down to 5 years ago and ugh so appalling. I was tempted to delete or at least change some things. I was unpacking the cupboard and came across old diaries. It was truly slap your thighs and say oh dear god what in the world did I ever do. But then again would anyone want to change memories.

I could imagine a relatively uncountable number of appendages raised in the air approving of this. I can imagine why too.

But then I’m convinced if I changed anything I would change everything. Including my few sweethearts that are always there when I’m happy or I truly need someone without having to say anything at all or seem sad, pathetic or basically show any emotion to raise a red flag.

I can imagine someone mocking me in a caring way, saying that “you don’t need to act pathetic” in a sarcastic way.

Sweethearts that stay on the phone to just hear you whimper pathetically for hours.

Sweethearts who are terribly harsh and put you in place in reality.

Sweethearts with magical powers.

Sweethearts that condemn people to death.

I woke up the other day going to work and a friend texted me cartoonlike sweet nonsense to make me feel better, that made me cry, not that I was reminded why I was feeling just a little upset bout someone else. But cry that the fact that I had an incredibly awesome friend that genuinely cared and got how I felt even without saying anything at all.
I am honestly happy with my little minivan of people in my life. Whom all I thoroughly adore madly till the ends of the earth.

Bald Alan cries when chow dies incurs madly insane bowel losing syndrome laughter

love

2011-06-04T00:14:00.001+08:00

just a wee bit miffed -____-

2011-05-20T00:00:00.000+08:00

I hate thinking that what a friend said may be true. That I am insignificant as compared or that nothings on par. It makes me want to cry scream kick and just fall into little itty bitty pieces. In lost of all dignity and I hopes that someone with bring super glue.

Well I know I am well abled to super glue myself, but it would be nice to know that someone will bother to sit beside my fragmented body and glue it back together. Someone being the person I want that someone to be. No some weird person of the face of the earth.

It scared me to death that melancholy was my default mode to your temporary absence. Yes I’m terribly scared even more. But not for reasons one may think.

It doesn’t help that I see normal people around me.
who can do things normally

Yes I admit I’m abnormal, and what consists in my life is abnormal
I’m usually fine with abnormal
But not this portion.
Normality for this would be something I crave.

2011-04-23T11:45:00.004+08:00

sometimes I think too much it drives me insane
and sometimes I don't think at all that I personify a bimbo =}

not that I'm non human, using the word personify I mean.

playing with hamsters in a ball and just pondering
cease my pondering for me

xoxoxoxox
mad insane love

my lovely girl is coming back in june/july
I want to smile so bad
I either can
1) slit my cheeks so I can stretch my smile like the joker
2) Or, steal Steven Tyler's huge mouth and paste it on my face

yes either one of those solutions would suffice.

xoxoxoxoxox
mad insane love again

2011-04-11T00:17:00.000+08:00

ymmslai nearly all the time.
Yes someone please smack me, press their lips against my forehead and tell me that everything’s good.

Preferably from someone I know ehh
If not I’ll most probably call the police to hunt down the whoever =}}
reasonably sane people would do the same

<3<3

2011-04-06T23:23:00.000+08:00

Global Deejays - Зеленоглазое Такси

sleepy unsleepy bahhhness

2011-04-02T20:14:00.001+08:00

I have sexy man boots now. And I shall mention , if any guy actually wears anything similar, Id swoon like there’s no tomorrow.

Yes I want infinite snugs right now =}

There are just a hand full of people that can get your stomach into knots, which is good and bad.

Sexy man boots I tell you.

Due to sexy man boots and lot of other items I shall attempt to refrain from any expenditure for April.

Yes I know I’m kidding myself.
Don't highlight that to me.
Tie my hands out of care and concern

2011-03-28T22:17:00.006+08:00

It’s like I’m steadfastly riding a little magic Turkish carpet whooshing me around. Though, I think I’m using the word steadfastly in a wrong context here and there's no such thing as the whooshing word. Alternating everything maybe every 10 hours or so making some big turn with no practical reason. Yes I do take note that everyone reading does not comprehend. For your comfort neither do I.

So I shall ponder and whack whoever in the head. This person / these people shall consist of whoever I please or call upon.

And then recite

Boombahbahlaalaaduuki

Seventeen times

I miss a car load of people right now.
Yes, not truck load.
Car load
I’m not as greedy as you =}
Three people are enough satisfy my missed needs.

I miss my car load of people. like a mad idiot individually
stretch my lips really wide for me please
kaythanksbye

2011-03-27T00:44:00.000+08:00

Going slightly insane =} and =[

2011-03-16T22:51:00.003+08:00

Slightly pleased, confused, miffed and stuck in a pondering state. Fortunately cameras with friends can easily substitute the façade of joyousness that derives from one too many pints. I was denied the zoo today but at least not good company along with screams and more screams.

Commend me =}
I walked into AMK with no fret what so ever. Shush even if you don’t understand what it means just commend me.

Yes and I smiled and giggled when that little red blimp lit up on my facebook screen. TSK I must be going mad. BAAAHHH

2011-03-02T13:49:00.002+08:00

If you ever see a knight in shining armour hes most likely a retard covered in aluminum foil.

I feeling a little tinge from being ding dong ditched.

lets kill ourselves with formalin
then skip over the baby with the multicoloured eyes
whack a cute boy
and and act all coy

when you hear baby cousins talk about their adventures with their whoever, its just so amusing. my baby cousins are teens. Cause i knew them as babies and now all the action and such.

loves

2011-02-24T11:35:00.001+08:00

I’m back to normal =}}} as normal as I can be.
Ill most probably feel shitty after 1.2K is drawn from me poor hands on Saturday. But still back to normal for now is good =}

There’s a first for everything

Friday was funnnn even though I felt like a pile of shit after.

2011-02-20T22:56:00.001+08:00

It seems impossible though I tell myself it will all work out in the end.

When I’m sitting quietly doing nothing and rotting away you ignore me or you’re just neutral.
Once I have something to do, be it talking on the phone or going out suddenly everything changes.
I have to accomplish everything before I go out or you have talk to me at the same time.
You must always always make me cry somehow
Is it deliberate?
Cause I’m too tired to fight
I just might become a hermit then cause I really am tired

leave leave

2011-02-07T09:36:00.004+08:00

Back to work
After 6 straight days of no work (due to two days mc, my doctors so nice :})
I feel dramatically awful
Last week was a 1 day work week
This week is a five day work week
Might be 4 depending on stuff

Somehow how I'm feeling can only be compared with is having drunk 3 pints. But it’s not high and happy. My head is swinging like it but accompanied with neck aches, throat disturbances and wanting to fall and lay down face first on the lab floor.

I literally squeaked at the overhead bridge aunty selling soybean milk. It was funny, pretty much.

Maybe it’s the fumes or the air in the work place but the minute I stepped in I swayed like mad and my eyes lit up with white sparkles. Bahh.

Nataliedee.com just visualizes everything so aptly :}

2011-02-02T02:28:00.001+08:00

People accommodate changes. No matter how drastic it is. Be it a change of a job or a death. Be it nerve racking or melancholy.
Both happened, both passing by in such a short time.

Having butterflies in the stomach for one
Thinking that the phrase “we’ll only see you next year?” will never come again.

Maybe the New Year may be better with everything supposedly washed away. =|

<3

2011-01-31T01:52:00.001+08:00

six
i bruised my knee wrist and my shoulder hurts like a muther friging hell. that i grimace when i try to even push in the plug to the socket.

2011-01-31T01:35:00.002+08:00

ill make this a quick short one

One, yesterday and still for a long time to come
I will be freaking traumatized
as i fell and broke my jade bangle :[
bahhhhhhhhh
honestly i wanted to scream and kick my legs
and hopefully it will injure some unwilling participant of my display of sadness

two
I think i can say that I'm way better looking :}
this particular person
and No, I;m not being super awfully thick skined
but i think now after so long
I can say so honestly yes I am.
haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

three
I love my baby god-sister
hello there
if she ever reads.

Four
the new year so far has been hectic that I pretty much haven't seen anyone since the day after boxing day.

five
ILY :}

all my baby love <3<3<3

booo work tomorrow

2011-01-04T00:14:00.001+08:00

I had to get it off my chest and scribble down a few thoughts.

Somehow it seems like I deliberately make the wrong pick even though I have the right choice staring in my face. It’s nothing that should dwell on, I know but blleahhh. So many weird decisions made.

For example metaphorically
Option 1: Rock on ground
Option 2 : rock balancing on a straw vertically straight on the ground. Bear in mind the straw is the bendy straw.

Obvious choice is option 1 but somehow I derive to option 2. Honestly kick me in the head. I had clear opportunities and chances, butt nooooo.
I could laugh till I cry sometimes. I know bollocks :}

Happy New Year my baby kicks.
I shall bite you with delightful joy, bite you hard.
Till your flesh departs from your calcium/elastin/collagen deposits
Those are your bones by the way :}

spaaaaaaaaaa i go

2010-12-29T17:00:00.001+08:00

Beshrew short term memory seriously

Yesterday there I was sitting at work all swallowed in turmoil and feeling as if someone was tugging my respiratory system and trying to pull it out though my mouth. I know the reason why I’m terribly upset by the way.

All of a sudden I just open my eyes and I am still in the lab but I forgot the blasphemous reason. I blacked out; while I was still awake I might add. A few minutes of memory just flew out the window. For the life of me I can remember the horrendous reason.

Some people might say it’s good, because I shut out the topic well out of my head so well. But I digress. It is fucking agitating. Don’t mind my French. But honestly, to compare it with puking;

It is exactly like wanting to throw up so badly but someone taped up my throat and told me not to. bleahhh

Yes
Complements of the season :}

Back to godmas house tom and grandaunts the day after
Being hectic full stocked with events with people I adore is awfully brilliant

<3

2010-12-27T11:26:00.004+08:00

I suddenly remembered grandpapa.
not the real one but someone I used to talk to
he was older thus dubbed grandpapa

grandpapa where are you now I wonder
lawwlll

happy christmas my loves
you know I mad grateful to have everyone that is in my life at this period of time
maddd feaking love
<3

I WANT TO MASSACRE YOU PEOPLE WITH MY LOVE

2010-12-19T15:02:00.002+08:00

looking at the twinkling Christmas tree lights make me happy :}
for abit

then i go back to being agitated.
bahhhhhhumbug

xoxo

dummer boy is my boyfriend. Stay away. I have warned your soul.

2010-12-17T17:09:00.002+08:00

I fidget that there'll be a possibility of besties coming home. :}}}}

Seeing grown up baby cousins, 2nd cousins 3rd cousins, aunts, uncles, grandaunts, granduncles, godparents & grands and baby godsister. All the "you've grown up sweetheart", mussing up cousins hair and camwhoring with godsister. :}

Sadly enough there isn’t much of Christmas giddiness this year. Normally by November I'd be screaming carols and be insufferably happy. Somehow not this year, it’s just like another month passing by. 8 days to Christmas and I’m not so giddy with excitement yet. Bloody

Maybe next year huh
All my canoddles of infinite love which I shall throw at your face and smile with joy

2010-12-13T23:21:00.003+08:00

TWG again please
Din Tai Fung and seesha second
Pre, present and post Christmas dinners third fourth fifth and sixth

I got my first present today :}
thank you
No wrapping = is just too sad

2010-12-13T00:15:00.002+08:00

I found out today that i used to be a whiny irritating little itch =}

And I know still retained some of my attributes till today

Its all good

5 presents
2 presents to go

2010-12-08T10:26:00.003+08:00

Fish & Co and St Michaels with the mom and dad
After trying practically every pair of boots there, I found a pair at st Michaels which were 160ish

Mom: up to you, go and buy if you want
Me: (stands in front of mirror going ouh and ahh) I don’t mind either
Mom: up to you
Me: but I have to buy for other ppl *screams one corner and flings head back giving distorted looks of agony*

Natalie Dee www.nataliedee.com
Such mad love for the comics

Depicts my shopping very well

2 Christmas presents down
6 more to go -___-
I hear money fluttering away

City side walk city side walk

2010-12-05T01:35:00.002+08:00

just home
sometimes there that nagging feeling at the back of your head
sometimes sleeping it off helps
sometimes not
damn you fingers for maneuvering the cursor to such buttons

ones red
ones not standing straight abit

<3<3

2010-12-03T12:39:00.002+08:00

dear poor girl at work is on the brink of madness and depression.
not me.
may swift death come upon those who dare disturb her now.

2010-12-02T23:59:00.002+08:00

I had a dream that someone took my photos and posted them as their own, posing as me. But the photos were edited to look fatter in the cheeks so they look like the poser in the dream. In the dream I was puzzled and when I woke, I was equally puzzled. heeeeeeee who could do that even if it was a dream.

I the same dream Ive learnt that vampires have full white eyes and half blood vampires have one white eye. And contrary to all their movies they consume blood using a knife and fork. Carving flesh out of candidates as casually at a cafe in a shopping mall.

--------------------

Id suppose everything will work out
It's already happy Christmas for me. :}

2010-11-30T14:04:00.001+08:00

by gosh im getting slowly miffed again.
slowly but surely
riling up my insides with my pounding head

dammit
smite my pms will somebody

2010-11-30T09:25:00.002+08:00

The pass two weeks has been temperamental I shall say.

Mind wrecking insane thoughts
Inability to hold my tongue
Which i normally can do quite so well
Absurd rocking back and forth and nose burns
I’m surviving the after effects of peeling skin on your nose.
How not very awful but nonetheless awful

The notion came to mind if I was indeed going un-peacefully crazy as the mad hatter.

Btw I wouldn’t mind dating the Mad hatter isn’t he unbelievably gorgeous.(The Johnny Depp one not the ugly mad white-haired old man in the Disney one)

Clean cup, clean cup, move down, move down, clean cup, clean cup, move down. Would you like a little more tea

A very merry unbirthday to me :}
Mad love

2010-11-20T17:01:00.002+08:00

I had a dream where a secondary school friend was in. I shall call that person T. The day I woke up from the dream I bumped into T in the train. I just thought I write that down. And currently itching to remember the dream I had last night cause its too interesting.

2010-11-19T11:32:00.005+08:00

I shall post pictures i find worthy to look at on my boring day of work sitting here freezing my butt off.

Off to paragon I shall run too :} with money that will fly away along with that trip.
For now I shall writeslash draw my strategic and financial Christmas shopping plan and QUT plans.

Swimming in pre-festive moments.

I sit in front of hazardous chemicals five days a week. Be my friend and I’ll pass to you hydrochloric acid or arsenic so you can fulfill your greatest torture desires.

2010-11-15T16:55:00.000+08:00

mad love you know <3

2010-11-10T11:20:00.004+08:00

After the smashed poultry confessional booth with meira i have self concluded in my mind. Boys rush like mad dogs towards the status of "girlfriend" for two reasons. Either they adore the shit out of you or they have a slight preference for you and just want to name you as "girlfriend" so that they can do as they please.

I think most boys think of the latter(second choice) first. Then there are the few that go pass that stage and realize that they actually adore the girl and set off into a serious glorious adventureslashdeath. Some people take the longer route than others.

aside though I honestly have nothing against people :} just dont put up signs of adorement if your taking the second route.

Glossary
Rush like mad dog = less than a few months of going out as friends/dates
Do as they please = get into your nickers
Glorious adventureslashdeath = relationship

I'm allowed my thoughts
Even though you may think otherwise
But I’m not forcing this gender description down anyone’s throat
So if you feel compelled to digress
Bugger off =}
With shovel loads of love you know
Wish me luck

2010-11-08T00:01:00.003+08:00

11pm Saturday 06 November 2010

Dad drops me off at the sidewalk. I walk into 7 -11 and receive glorious weird stares and squints from the likes of ungodly people. Being in no foul mood, I wore a smile and trotted on to the refrigerator. Grabs and cradles soft drinks. Looks up and open eyes like wide mad at my reflection in the fridge door.

They must have thought I was some confused little child. Hahahhahaha. Wearing a crucifix, jade cheena stuff and the bindi, that red dot marking on the forehead for Hindus, (pardon me if my information is inaccurate).

Hold in laughter, pays and runs to car to tell the story. Scream in laughter and attempts to take a picture to memorialize for the heck of it.

deepavali visitings yes

2010-10-14T21:07:00.000+08:00

possible broken toe does not defer me from online shopping at Victoria secret :}}

2010-10-14T12:30:00.002+08:00

I want my yummy zinfandel. :}
loves to all the catch ups

2010-10-02T18:33:00.007+08:00

Sometimes something may seem awful, when it isn't as such as all. There will be a sign to knock you back on your senses. Be it a pending divorce or a demise of a loved one. I wonder why the sign (or maybe just coincidence) has to be such a drastic one though. Couldn't the sign be a gentle whack on the head or a disaster that did not affect our own lives or ones around us?

My condolences to the people who matter, for the two people who passed

today looked I up into the sky, gritting my teeth, eyes welling up with my fists clenched," if anything happens, i'll hate you for the rest of my life"

2010-10-01T16:16:00.002+08:00

There is a mother that baked her husbands buttocks with gravy and vegetables and tried to serve it to her kids. and when you tickle rats they laugh.

2010-09-27T11:38:00.002+08:00

lets print everything up to date.

.think Ill go back to oil pastel profiles. I notice most people I have drawn are those who mean something :} so next time if anyone comes over, demand to see your portrait. If there is one, it means at one point of time or another I adored the crap out sheslashhe.

No one so far has testicular fortitude now a days. ncluding myself I'd suppose, not literally for obvious reasons.

To holland village I fly in an hours or so. google maps shall direct me.

my dad's friend, jimmy, and his 3 year old daughter visited.

dad: how bout your one two threes?
lil girl: one two three four five six seven eight nine
dad: then?
lil girl: dont know
dad: wheres your ten?
lil girl: cannot find.

freaking much adorable, she oozes adorable it was overpowering, scampering around giggling and smiling.

caught up with a few people i havent seen in ages. two fags and a spca-ean, front wise, still sweet mad people.

the night before daddies birtday* behind lock doors in the comfort of my room ard 11pm. sitting there quietly writing on a card. sudden blackout. i think if anyone saw my eyes theyd be big as golf balls. panick and screams really madly. gets up scrambles, bang shin into bed end, ignore pain, still screaming, scrambles again to the door. insanely finding the bloody doorknob. hears daddie say "just come out lah!". gets out feels pain of shin. what can i say im scared of the dark, especially when it sneak attacks you out of blinking no where.

such amusement

2010-09-18T22:39:00.004+08:00

forgive me for any spelling mistakes. but im posting by phone. i have this sick disgusting feeling thinking that my caveman's friends think im an absolute bitch slash whore, for how i dissapeared. i know thats a stretch. eventhough he says that he never implies negative things, doesnt mean that they think otherwise.

for example, if audrey rick saw me horrifiedly mangled over an issue. She would obviously have horrid muderous thoughts towards that anyone who ever it may be that caused it. even if i said otherwise.

likewise for his platoon mates. even though caveman jusitifies with me that does not say any bad but rather good. do you really think best mates will entirely change whats in their mind. obviously not, they'd most probably hold on to those delicious muderous thoughts.

side note: dont you love best mates and their muderous plots and thoughts.
eg: kessler and your horrifying laughable cauliflower damnations

i dont know why its making me sick beyond sick. yes i wanna puke and cry and rant. but everyones away. yes still pathetic with different reasons. D word isnt happening now so far but who knows years down the road. i just feel sick.

2010-09-16T08:57:00.002+08:00

160 on our dinner. oasis, mojito, appletini and my yummy pint erdinger later. Loudly giggly, cause i was amused with nice giddyness of it all, heading to the taxi stand. Such fun :}

sorry i cant come friday. i have to go out today and saturday. <3
I have yet to buy presents. tsk

2010-09-13T10:28:00.003+08:00

I’ve realized there are worse things than having a boy trample on your heart( i know melodramatic much, forgive me, it is the first time it was the other way round, thats what i've decided for a justifiable reason for my extream reactions) or not the possibility of not being able to go Taiwan for two weeks; worse than fighting with a best friend, being knocked down by car, being lost in Malaysia or insanely abrupt crying over the pass weeks. Everything seems insignificant to what’s happening now.

I haven’t decided if it’s good or bad. At sporadic moments this current issue amplifies my frustration, of not being able to be normal and run crying to you know who. Yes it’s like one of those default reactions which i still am trying to ditch, unsuccessfully, which drives me to more delirium.whihc then ill call kess rick or azizah to rant and bawl like an idiot.

Because the current issue is worse than anyone thinks, and I don’t want to tell just anyone at the moment. But it also overpowers the rest of the smudge of bleahness of the past weeks.

So yes.

I’m more pathetically dazed than ever now because of the possibility of the D word about to be carried out.

2010-09-09T17:06:00.002+08:00

taiwan may not work out :[ i dont know if i can take 2 weeks leave and it will only be confirmed next week. bites. TSSKK

2010-09-09T09:52:00.005+08:00

Shopping, or anything that you can get a fix from(boy toys or being obsessive in something that make you ecstatic), is just like candy when you take when you have no energy. yes candy will give you pure sugar rush needed but you'd crash so badly after. shopping and grand dinners are my ecstacy that unfortunately only has temporary effects. Furthermore burns my wallet to no end.

still have presents to buy next week.
and somehow that sentence just drove me to mad insane dysphoria

jb was tempermental feelings. moving swiftly from screaming at each other in fustration and anger to laugher and stupidity, and constantly changing back and forth of these emotions. lost on the roads unclear signs. "500m ahead uturn" and there was'nt so we hit the highway to kl :\

printing photos so i can bring them where i go.

nom nom

2010-09-08T12:28:00.003+08:00

:} taiwan should be on the 10th october.
1-2 weeks
i can stop fidgeting like an idiot
i hope nothing goes wrong

Was at the doctors just now. looking at a small kid in a yellow raincoat i cant help but remember when i used to do that. With wellys on my feet and clutching one of those multicolored umbrellas. me and mommie would walk barefoot under the heavy rain and just stand in the mini floods at 7-11 at yishun st 71.

medical leave and leaving for JB n a few hours :}

hectic is good for now

a mosquito bit my nose. as if my nose doesn't resemble a reddish onion already now there's an extra red bump. such fun

2010-09-06T17:11:00.002+08:00

pick up the phone?

to manicure and to run i go
then to blissfull tiredness

2010-09-05T20:14:00.003+08:00

always a interesting cussing adventure
which involves reckless spending on cabs

as if there's a frog in my throat and a hole in my chest where everything seems to be trying to squeeze out off. in a desperate failure of an attempt.

lets run away together and chop our fingers off just for the fun of it.

taiwan come sooner :[

love
stupid weekends syndrome

btw facebook is not friendly
when they show random things at the side
it does not help
bad facebook bad

2010-09-05T00:05:00.006+08:00

Just home and fidgety

Friday morning

opens eyes. thinks: why is it so bright. its sunday right. still laid down for a few seconds. open eyes more wider. thinks: oh shit oh shit oh shit its friday. scrambles for the phone, 10am, dials boss, half asleep mumbles god knows what halfway breaks and groggy noises and boss says uuhhh arent you in the lab already? are you ok? why don't you just come in at 1.

back to sleep

Thursday night

vlee at zirca was good :} thank you kess. thus friday morning

just moments ago while writing

kessler your damn funny when you call me and your halfway gone happy giggly sounding and not making sense. and no i will not blog bout such nonsense <3. pixie lott save me or that country song for the the auditions tomorrow ok

r: dont worry ill wake you up at 8
k: but thats when mass starts
r: ok then ill wake you up at 7
k: no luuh. just wake me up at 8. but i don't know what time mass starts you can just check online. and look for mass times
r: ??

r: hun are you going to be ok. where are you
k: ouh im just sitting outside. here luh. i dont know where
r: *wide eyes*

all i can do is guess right now and make the best out of things.

30th to jb
oct to Taiwan :}
(daddie: saying to mommie* you have to foot the plane ticket for her. mommie: puzzled look since i'm ald working* for what. daddie: if not i foot you.)
nov to kl
feb to perth

My parents are just accommodating this two weeks, not question bout anything much and even when i disappear almost all the time.

2010-09-02T13:46:00.002+08:00

you taped my mouth and pasted a speech bubble next to my mouth. then you filled in the words without my consent. I didnt have a say when you made the decision.

2010-09-02T10:00:00.005+08:00

tq kess for the songs
you got me more bleah
i know you love me lesser then i do
TSK

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-nBU9VR2X5g
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6TnsPEMRcTw

Drinking old cheap bottles of wine
Saying things we haven't for a while, a while yeah
We're smiling but we're close to tears
Even after all these years
We just now got the feeling that we're meeting
For the first time

_________________________________________________________________

well im all dressed up
with a pretty blue dress
and red heels
but half hearted
thinking

when you have free time it allows you to think
which isnt good
the solution is to have no free time
to exhaust ones self
to come home everyday late
and be to tired to think that you fall blissfully to sleep

yes im in denial
but isnt everyone too

no more red eyes please
though that does makes sleep easier too

tiqs to vlee at qc i go
still half hearted

all my love
woof

you up above
you know i freaking miss you!

if you love me wiggle your ears for me.

2010-08-31T23:16:00.002+08:00

when you feel sick in the mornings.
at night
and sometime random parts of the day

well that covers it
outings that keep those levels at bay.
i wonder you know

all my love still

2010-08-30T13:02:00.008+08:00

i wanted to look forward to the nano seconds that i got.i wanted to smile right now but i cant

godsister has school
kess has flight
zizah at work
sim at work

god

quick click your heels three times and say bee bee bee

all my love

2010-08-30T09:05:00.004+08:00

On Saturdays she usually peeks out the stairwell. Hoping for a surprise. How’d he be there with a grin on his face. should she give up.

It’s one of those things where you feel so utterly bad and you wail so hard. And the best part is that you want to run and tell someone and wail to them, but that person is the reason why your feeling and doing so. So that's not possible is it.

Taxi ride

1: Wails* (you know the type where only dogs can hear cause the pitch is shrieking beyond control). Its the first time i cried over something like this
2: HUH?? Really. Bitch!!
1+2: uncontrollable laughter*

The taxi uncle must think we are idiots.

there still little wishes left in the back of my mind. and the front and the sides. I just saw one of my photo captions which wrote "cause imu"

2010-08-28T08:40:00.003+08:00

weekend mornings normally id be fidgeting in bed
smile as wide as a banana sideways
looking like a spastic idiot who just won the lottery

not today though
but no one cares really
and i shall admit that imy
but no one cares about that too really

time to teach bratty little kids who forget to bring their books always
which doesn't help

take me home till the sun comes up

my five cuties that are always there <3
rawr

all my love

currently insane

2010-08-27T16:03:00.004+08:00

its one of those times i dont thank god its a friday.
and it will happen for a good period of time.

the pre syndrome is not fun
nor is the post or during syndrome.

such a doll <3

but thank god for sunday jb with loves :}

when you think too hard

2010-08-25T11:30:00.003+08:00

Thank god for calls from Australia <3
Random Lunches, dinners, movies, theater shows and late night chats <3
I wonder what’s happening on the other side. Perhaps nothing
Blogging shall keep me sane for a bit so allow me this pleasure
Godsister for the whole day and kess for the night tomorrow <3
JB with kess too soon :}

Watched her till she was out of sight before he headed off

2010-08-24T08:44:00.003+08:00

If she didn’t write she’d go mad

If she didn’t try at all, if she didn’t fight, she wouldn’t have been able to go out at all. She wouldn’t have been able to go out for a longer time. She wouldn’t have been able to go out till midnight. Yet this was considered to be no effort at all. She wondered around attenuated with possible lies reverberating at the back of her head. For several moments at a time holding her gut in in hopes that it wouldn’t crumble to the ground. That feeling where your chest, throat and even up to your check bones feels like it is being vacuumed out from your orifice encased by your lips. Her lab mate managed to make out what she said through the cracks and sobs, “the problem was that I liked him”.

I think she meant love though. She recalled how he said he’d be her bear forever. Forever ended quite abruptly, but yes forever always seemed to end abruptly for her on several occasions. There will not be a next week from now on.

2010-08-22T16:32:00.000+08:00

I most probably liked you more then I should have for my own good.
And I most probably loved which is the most agitating part.

So as I muss up my hair and count my toes I will just ponder with a huge façade of a smile sitting on my lower portion of my face.

Sit beside me and count my toes with me?

Cause I’m finding it terribly difficult to count them cause I have so many

All my love

A very dazed person

2010-08-22T00:03:00.002+08:00

i didn't think it was possible to break my heart

2010-05-26T18:02:00.003+08:00

i do not care
my kids will be in st pats, josephs or katong convent
if anyone says anything otherwise
they can shove their blinking foot in their mouth.

such wrong choices
shittyly pissy

2010-04-07T11:56:00.002+08:00

all my love

Duckie dont go crazy just yet. hope your coping. weeeeeee youll get a present when we meet up in sept :}. do you want a cheena present again. doo dooo dooo.

my dear green loving million and one steps behind love. Can;t wait till july and i hope everything is fine over there

Stealth abs :}

to everyone else who are much missed and loved.

2010-03-29T11:38:00.003+08:00

Caleb Dana pirese _____
Bobbie Camron Eleanora _____

fill in the blanks

2010-03-22T01:20:00.003+08:00

Is it fairly impossible for me to touch something that will crash and implode upon contact. I have dug my own grave deeper and deeper, so much i cant tip toe my way out. Now I have to sleep in it.

best friends lost before
will it be so again.

there's no such thing as getting your cake and eating it
never never never never
shall i stress to you never
I should stay clear from people that i know more or so
SIM take me in so i can have a total new batch of worries.
life, save me with your impending death of new wonders.

I want to stop piling the what if's in my life
I have sufficient what if's to last me 10 lifetimes.
so they are still countable but it'd take time to do so

again all my love
take it while its free
cause there might be none left

impending spinster hood

2010-03-21T17:19:00.001+08:00

Biomedical engineering
lets hope shall we
and cross your fingers for me.

such a funny predicament.

2010-03-20T20:41:00.001+08:00

The best friend syndrome + The first serious relationship syndrome
does not mix well does it

all my love to anyone :}
its free take it

2010-03-14T04:53:00.002+08:00

I think i have a head problem
whacko over bearing stupified head problem.

the constant need of such a thing that fuels my anxiety even more.

its dumb really.
No mstter what I cant help myself.
mind erase me please
its just exhausting to think of such nonsense

2010-03-14T01:08:00.002+08:00

I'm a paste eater at work
no i don't really eat glue
I might be a insincere laugh-whore at times to make myself feel comfortable.

Johny Depp is sadistically dreamy even as a clown

swings to come
movies to come
nails to come
birthdays to come

who can help me publish a book
All my love

2010-03-12T17:03:00.002+08:00

will you be my word receptacle
shall we go moviegating
but you have to have a car to do that.
weeeeeeeeeeeeee
Alice in wonderland in a while

2010-03-11T17:28:00.002+08:00

Will you be my peanut butter to my Jelly
preferably with nuts

2010-03-09T23:33:00.002+08:00

initiate :}
sign sign

I found a heart shaped tomato and i refuse to eat it as long as i can

my page is dead

2010-03-08T17:27:00.002+08:00

someone tried to sell me that GPS thingy through comments. thank you GPS person.
my lips are HOLEY, small little cuts. you must be thinking why did you kiss a catus when you could kiss me. lawl whoever you may be.

And hadif dont go assuming and thinking like a small boy bout who im talking a bout. and dont keep bothering me bout one date. when you have a million Oukayy. Officer boy. See see the next time you meet me your going to go likeee waahhh you rememeber me in your blog seeyy.

bish

holey lips
who want to kiss them
line you
I think the line would end without even starting

2010-03-01T09:55:00.003+08:00

I want macdonalds fench fries with extra salt, salmon sashimi and someone to bring me to a nice place to watch clouds. If only someone could read my mind and carry my wants out. Im a lazy bugger.

lou hei with grans :}
My maternal grandfather is not chinese, so when we were about to toss he came along with a pair of scissors. it was hilarious. no no nooo dont cut. My nenek told me bout a push up butt, just like push up bra, but now padded undergarments. Tsk tsk.

My mom asked me to go buy a house.
now i shall smile and, if you permit, kiss you.

does anyone have a back yard, so we can lie underneath the clouds in the morning and moon at night.

2010-02-26T15:47:00.002+08:00

the opposite sex that

hit and run or;
flirt and run or;
friend and run.

should just keep a distance from me from the start.
And not to mention should also drown yourself.

With all my love

2009-12-30T16:27:00.000+08:00

______________________________________________________________

An all too familiar melody chimes into the curved flesh and cartilage on both sides of my head. Indispensable flesh that provided comfort and torture fused into one. To most they were referred to as ears.

Today the choice that my ears have chosen for me was like most days.

As the rain lightly tapped on my blacked window and the thunder seemed like a monstrous cry. Above the din from the window at a right angle to me, the all too familiar sound again. The whimper and anguished cry, of something being lost or beginning to lose. On nights like these, I’d pretend I’d shuffle quickly into my room and make myself scarce. On nights like these where my hand are bound by invisible ropes, I’d love you.

______________________________________________________________

Sitting among what seem to be charred fields, she was adorned. She felt adorned. Honored and privileged to see their disfigurement and wounds, in contrary to hers. She started running her little greedy hands on their split skin on their backs, bones that surfaced and round scars from branding. On their faces a slight grin, then from the back a sharp pain stung her lower neck.

She awoke at night fall, she became fitting to be part of the “charred fields”.

______________________________________________________________

Upright, he held her close. She did not, her hands lay limp by her side. He parted from her she still did not move. She swayed lightly in the breeze. If she could feel, I’d guess she’d be piercing numb. If she could speak, I’d know she’d cuss. He still pondered why she didn’t reciprocate; at least she was here though in front of me, with me. Not standing, but hung. He smiled and held her close again.

______________________________________________________________

The white washed walls reverberated her every word, amplified every emotion. Slumped against the wall, she knelt on the white tiled floor underneath her. Her face gaunt, attenuated from the turmoil. She wanted her babies back.

That night, bravely yet cautiously she lifted up an ornamental dirk from the side table in the living room. In the house she used to live in, she felt abhorred. In the bed, he looked passive. The irony and contradiction she thought, for when he was awake he was nothing close to it. She giggled to herself. A smile she had rarely broken into.

The pool looked almost placid at her feet, growing wider, coagulating. You couldn’t tell the difference between the ash red Turkish carpet and the pool after awhile. No dry cleaning, she smiled again to herself.

She sneaked up to the next bedroom; put her hands on the bed sheet, “wake up baby, time to go” she whispered to the child. The child smiled. Caressing and pushing back the child’s hair, red lights flashed across her face and a not too distant wailing traveled into the child’s room.

“Mommie will be right back baby”

She picked up the dirk that was on the floor.

______________________________________________________________

2009-12-23T09:57:00.003+08:00

hello my loves, or who ever is willing to read.
(which so far i think its only one, my grown up baby cousin who i rarely see :])
Christmas is riding horseback into the house
screaming christmas carols
and putting on santas little red hat thingy
700 flushed down the drain in five days of shopping
being only for 3 people
Presents stacked underneath the tree

Happy Christmas.
Eventhough it may not be the most smashing or extraordinary
Happy would be just lovely for me

With love <3

2009-12-15T16:08:00.002+08:00

there some people who like to pull and lead you on
then drop you like a dead brick.

then there are people who belive that someone is lpulling them and leading them on
then they drop themselves like a dead brick.

choose one shall we*

frosty the frosty snow man had a really shiny nose

2009-12-08T17:13:00.003+08:00

wash me down the drain
and give me a whirldwind in my champagne glass.
play christmas songs
play drummer boy more then the others though
make a cozy charming fire for me
but please do not incinerate the house down

however no one, i think, will sit with me
so i shall sit there without a sound
play christmas songs and burn my house down.

shop shop jingle
jingle jingle shop

I shall make you disspear, if you'd like.
And Id think you'd like that

2009-12-07T17:32:00.001+08:00

thick head you

2009-12-04T17:16:00.001+08:00

finally a weekend with no work.

will you roast chestnuts on an open fire with me?
yes I hate and love you
who ever you are

sing me a song

2009-11-29T21:37:00.003+08:00

work makes a person lifeless and boring
but most likely I was like that before too

Some thing at work is broken so we cant do any single thing
When I sing Christmas songs in the car dad will switch on the music.
haaaa, its heart breaking
east coast east coast and presents to buy
money to fly away too

Its bliss to shop during Christmas, even if it is grocery shopping with family.
the Christmas songs blaring is infectious :]

Will you be a the virus to my infection this not so merry year.

to whoever is actually reading.
which is no one i suspect :]]]]

Shall I say I ha-ve you. even though theres only one person who knows the meaning.

2009-11-27T22:51:00.002+08:00

new secrets has flowed into my ears.

shall I just float away :]
and prompt you in your new escapade.
or maybe it was an old one.
I shall never know :]]

obsessed with children's names :}

2009-11-13T23:19:00.002+08:00

my future counter part can jump down the building if he doesn't agree to the names I want to give to my kids. If I have any counter part or kids at all. blllahhh. I have two god children to come in the future, and it makes me giddy with excitement. Lawl shoot me if you think I'm dumb.

Pretty please push me down the building of spinsterhood or save me from it. Don't just stand there and act aloof. weeeeeeee

I've guessed you've put me in my place. Far away at the back of the line.

2009-11-11T13:07:00.002+08:00

Was I deleted?
lets start kicking.

2009-11-09T19:17:00.002+08:00

I find it weird.
When I'm talking one on one with someone its easier to talk
but when more then 2 people and I can't
nothing interesting to say comes up

I'm a boring person :}
at times.
most of the time.

The C word has attenuated and gone hiding for awhile
scream and jump around for me
and tell me to go away kay :}

bring a tornado to my house to clean my room.

And give me $150 000 so I can go study

2009-11-05T00:26:00.002+08:00

Mr Francesca Ignatius Sangantio Hertz.
My dear disable fish.
He/She was found in the tank not moving at 8pm.
He/She was dutifully buried at 8.10pm
Beside the arowana.

Dredddinng the sound of gleeful bleeps of the computer and machines at work.
Tinkling or magnetic stir bars playing.
And the wrong results brewing.
Gimme the money without the work.
I know I'm a whine.

patrick from bikini bottom is my lover

2009-11-04T00:12:00.003+08:00

Whoever is reading

Lets run away together,
live in a small cottage,
starve to death,
an be glamorously in hate with each other
forever.

I love you

2009-10-27T14:22:00.002+08:00

it pretty hilarious and depressing when you think about the friends which aren't there. Mostly depressing. The ones that were supposed to be there forever but now shunned you out. like just a while ago a friend which shall not be named :} i quote, I reach out but they dont even meet half way so why bother. or something like that i think. But true enough.

Its like they choose to end for you, they being the friends that were close. And you just have to settle and let them be. You cant go there and pester for the friendship that was once was. physcoish that would be.

oh well.

Audrey Rick come back to singapore I miss you.
And thank good for weekly meet ups the weekly meetup hun.
And the random old friends :}

the new girl who is going to be in my lab is coming tommorow.
eep.

2009-10-19T15:01:00.002+08:00

I say I cont go out on weekends as I have family days.
you get pissed cause I can't lie to my parents and go out with you
I ask you go out today.
you say no
whats the reason
shit squat cause you dont want to go out only for 2 hours and go home
so dont you dare give me shit when I cant go out
when my reason has more balls then you
and your's is such bull

2009-10-16T10:07:00.005+08:00

when work becomes boredom, which is a damn rarity since i've started working.
reading old blog posts and other close people's blog posts is entertainment. Esp when you work com doesnt allow you to install games or any flash for online games. boo.

reading all the crushes I had, one in particular, trying to show him through blogging without like telling them straight his face. lawl. most likely didn't like me back though. hahahahahah. lawl All the childish posts, I couldnt belive the "way" I wrote or explained :}

I think I dont want to have boyfreinds anymore, like just date. Unfortunately no singaporean boys have balls to ask girls out on dates. Some how it's amazingly programmed in them, the asian way, only girlfriend immidiately, no getting to know each other. Asians. furthermore the guys that hit on me are uummmmm. yea the ones that I dont want to start anything with :[

My great aunty on my dad's side, which I only meet on Hari Raya,
asked me "which school now?"
myself "no Im working now"
grand Aunty "can get married already then"
myself "No boys want me"

Imagine I had to speak malay ok, since she doesn't speak english. when I have a grade of F9 for malay, this conversation killed me.

People including my relatives and hadif, have been asking me why I'm not going out with guys. Stop asking me, how am I supposed to meet guys when all I do is work, and have outings with only freinds to dinner or movies. you dont meet new guys at dinners or movies. When I go to school maybe. But ntu and nus rejected me right. haiyo.

My greatest fear is dying a spinster, with no freinds.

I'm pretty lost in the education section. where the helll do i go from here, I only can go overseas and I dont have a solid 200K to throw away, well we could have but i dont like the feeling of taking that money one short. bllooooaaaahhh. kick me down. I'm terrified of taking a part time at PSB.

I'm pretty sure no one reads my blog cause i dont publicise it. Its for me to vent :} and escape boredom.

30minutes till I finish the incubation of my samples.then wrok begins. and will end in two hours after. then I'll be bored till 5.30 pm.

Hectic work and giving tution keeps me in denial of my No-potential-boyfreind-or-husband-when-I-am-alredy-20-years-old state of thinking. well keeps it in reduced levels but the worry is still there.

2009-08-19T03:43:00.002+08:00

I have to say I am envious at this very moment.
For stupid reasons no doubt.

Boy will eff and run, aren't they simple minded.
Girls will stay and then sooner or later have upgraded.

being that kind of girl doesn't give me the right to be jealous or envious.
but even though I've explained it to myself again and again.
it doesn't help in anyway.

and even if i did date, whats to say I wouldn't upgrade.

destroy everything, which is fine as the way it is, in a monstrous way.
I still can't let it be
all I can do is be envious.

sooner or later I'll get over ad upgrade.

2009-04-05T03:12:00.003+08:00

mothers who buy baby facial compact power are insane.
any baby is already flawless and extremely gorgeous
don't put make up on babies
gggoossshhhh

2009-03-17T22:01:00.002+08:00

FIND JOB
Buy a cheongsam
Wrench off sparsely coloured parts of hair
Isis doc. vouchers
Sentosa

I look a little cross eyed :}

2009-02-17T01:53:00.003+08:00

i had a nightmare that a guy was having sex with a cheese hamburger. it was bloody scary. I quote what the hamburger said "that's cheese" in a real kinkyed up way. uuhg

2009-02-05T21:56:00.002+08:00

Another short cute skinny Chinese girl gets what I want
HAAAAAAAAAAAA
BIIISSHHH
BBBAAAAAAAAHHH

ntu applications :}}}

2009-01-25T00:39:00.002+08:00

afraid
self stupidity

signals come to me
let a flower decide

shopping makes worries go away for awhile

2009-01-15T22:44:00.001+08:00

what if your a loved one said
"what makes you think you can enter university?"
tried to smile and take it in a good way